With expressions and I'm guessin,

lol

2011-09-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

ENOUGH!

2011-09-06T02:52:00.001-07:00

-no more bad food
-no more cancer sticks
-no more cussing
-no more procrastination
-no more being late
-no more wasting money
-no more wasting time

you don't get me

2011-08-22T17:55:00.001-07:00

but that's ok, not many do.

stop

2011-07-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

this speaking my mind stuff isn't cut out for me. the walls go back up.

no more

2011-07-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

when you believe
in things
that you don't understand
then you suffer
superstition ain't the way

maybe I'll get back to this later. I'm really tired and I don't feel like anything.

in other news

2011-07-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

I almost lost a toe today at work.
and last night I came to terms and verbally expressed with 100% conviction that my family is unfixable.

thanks july.

time

2011-07-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

I know I'm taking my time but only a bit more patience and I'll explain everything. thanks.

ok, it's getting personal

2011-07-04T00:12:00.000-07:00

"Dear July,

it was not I that killed your family and burnt down your village. so please stop striking me down with your merciless wraith. please and thank you."

this stupid month has now immobilized my right hand. I'm sitting here icing it since it happened a few hours ago and i'm pretty steamed. it has now fucked with me on a several personal levels.

this is what could be jeopardized for the summer if I wake up tomorrow and still can't use my hand;

-shipment day tomorrow morning @ work early tmr
-taking over delivery duty for a month starting next week (about 60 cases of wine a day)
-DAILY dj practice (scratching, mixing) and thursdays at republic
-my plan to hit robson at least 3 times a week to bboy (alone)
-riding my fucking bike that I went through so much to get on the road

all that accounts for my job, my craft, my sanity, and my health. what else do I have left?

fuck you july and (even though we're still fam and I love you) fuck you yong.

PS. typing with one fucking hand sucks too

hey july

2011-07-03T09:17:00.001-07:00

I hate you.

vitals not doing too well

2011-07-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

head aches, hungry and h***tbroken

fuck

2011-06-28T00:30:00.001-07:00

there goes my day

some things to remember

2011-06-11T15:07:00.001-07:00

now that summer is here,

-speak slowly

-no online video games

-work hard

-be nice

-don't let her down

-find peace

-don't procrastinate

-thrive in all situations

-love the music

-FAMILY FIRST

-read more books

-silver lining/stay positive

-cut hair more frequently

-stay hungry

-be happy

words hurt

2011-06-09T14:46:00.001-07:00

the ones we do mean to say, the ones we don't mean to say. they both hurt equally the same.

why people say they don't mean some of the things they say I'll never understand.

I try my best to stand behind what comes out of my mouth, I really do.

I beat myself up so much when I don't.

but some people just don't give a fuck about who's feelings they stomp over.

my grandpa said "you chew before you eat, you think before you speak",

if that's so then why aren't these people choking on their food.

shit.

The Hollow Men (1925)

2011-05-21T23:44:00.000-07:00

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang, but with a whimper

-- T. S. ELIOT

on the line

2011-05-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

the thing about never arguing, is you never for certain know if the glue that keeps you together will stick once you do argue.

and trust me, I know this first hand. more times than I'd like to.

awesome life

2011-05-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit upset that I only blog when i'm down.

It shouldn't be like that.

but whatever i'm having too good a time.

catch ya later.

dark days

2011-05-04T22:45:00.001-07:00

The past few weeks have had a toll on me.

I've been sporting a darker shade because of it.

But what else should one wear when their best friend can't even make the time to talk something out?

Message recieved, old friend.

friends

2011-04-09T01:42:00.000-07:00

Had a great family day today.

Words can't express how glad it makes me to know that there are a group of people on the earth that accept me and will be there for me no matter the circumstances. those people are my crew and not by chance are family to me too.

ps. I'm still glad to be home.

Wu Tang Forever

2011-03-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

haha I thought this was cute,

"Shimmy Shimmy Rawr!

Hey dinos, i like to rawrr.
Yeah dinos, i like to rawrrrrr
ooh dinos, i like to rawrr.

Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy rawr, shimmy yay.
Gimme the mouse so i can play all day.

Off on a natural charge, bon voyage.
Yeah from the cave of the dinos, protectors squad.

Webo-saurs players we on the hunt.
You best believe we dinos ain’t no runts.

So play nicely cause you can’t touch my skill.
Don’t mess with us cause Kilabeez and Rex we so ill.

Just remember this and have fun.
Cause we dinos like to rawrrr.
Yeah we dinos love to rawrrrr. "

ODB was right, Wu Tang is for the kids,

to all the dreamers out there

2011-03-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

I spent a long ass time looking for this tonight because I vaguely remembered it and it's message. finally found it and I'd like to share,

Square And Brown

He always wanted to explain things, but no-one cared.

So he drew.

Sometimes he would just draw and it wasn’t anything.

He wanted to carve it in stone or write it in the sky.

He would lie out on the grass and look up in the sky and it would only
be the sky and the things inside him that needed saying.

And it was after that that he drew the picture.

It was a beautiful picture.

He kept it under his pillow and would let no-one see it.

And he would look at it every night and think about it.

And when it was dark and his eyes were closed he could see it still.

And it was all of him and he loved it.

When he started school he brought it with him.

Not to show anyone, but just to have it with him like a friend.

It was funny about school.

He sat in a square brown desk like all the other square brown desks

and he thought it would be red.

And his room was a square brown room, like all the other rooms.

And it was tight and close. And stiff.

He hated to hold the pencil and chalk, with his arm stiff and his feet

flat on the floor, stiff, with the teacher watching and watching.

The teacher came and spoke to him.

She told him to wear a tie like all the other boys.

He said he didn’t like them and she said it didn’t matter.

After that they drew.

And he drew all yellow and it was the way he felt about morning.

And it was beautiful.

The teacher came and smiled at him.

“What’s this?” She said.”Why don’t you draw something like Ken’s drawing? Isn’t it beautiful?”

After that his mother bought him a tie and he always drew airplanes

and rocket ships like everyone else.

And he threw the old picture away.

And when he lay out alone looking at the sky, it was big and blue;

and all of everything, but he wasn’t anymore.

He was square and brown inside and his hands were stiff.

And he was like everyone else.

All the things inside him that needed

saying

didn’t need it anymore.

They had stopped pushing.

It was crushed. Stiff.

Like everything else.

Author: Written by an English schoolboy, sent in by Klaas van Dalen.Source: Raphael House Newsletter Aug 1986

DON'T EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING. THE WORLD IS YOURS AND YOURS TO KEEP. NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT.

It disgusts me sometimes how the school system is run and how children are stripped of their right to dream and create. The youth is filled with hopes and dreams and they're being poisoned, forced to conform, fed bullshit from day one. Might as well trash our earth, pollute our air and dump our garbage into the seas. oh wait. nvm.

ps. I'm incredibly grateful that I dream and am allowed to dream. It is a privilege we have that many people in our history have fought for and is often overlooked.

Be thankful and never take it for granted.

the bug has bit

2011-03-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

I've been feening like mad to make movies. all these daydreams, which then would become scripts then storyboards, then scheduled, then shot, then edited, then finally those daydreams not long ago become real. The entire process is absolutely invigorating.

I've been off of the filmmaking for a bit. After 4 years (+1 for one of those years accelerated) of it in highschool and quite frankly getting sick of working with undependable people, the politics and the wasted youth that revolve around it I shamefully have not touched a camera or made a film in about two years now, never having depreciation one bit for the craft though. As of late I've been having these ideas/visions and my mind just flutters on and on.

This is definitely a sign.

clarity

2011-03-28T01:06:00.000-07:00

I live this life of mine, pushing and grinding through the trials and tribulations.

doing what I do for; leaving pluses, people I care about, justice, a dollar, the earth and whatever else I find worth fighting for. but there are these moments after so much chaos and getting caught up in this light speed world we live in, these moments where you kinda just coast. after so much pushing you take a breath, even if it's just for a second, you coast.

I call it clarity, moment of clarity. where you look at the bigger picture, take a sip of your tea, feel the wind in your hair, take in a big breath, let it out the same way and smile.

When I listen to this track I can't help but feel this clarity. Cheers.

it's just

2011-03-18T00:54:00.001-07:00

ah, nevermind.

forward

2011-03-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend. feels incredible to be giving back/paying it forward. I give a million thanks to those to helped make it happen and I hope I get another chance to do it again.

this jam has opened my eyes and allowed me to believe in the youth at a time when that light was dim in my mind. they made this happen in the first place and they made it dope.

I was also suprised at the people that rose up and offered to lend a hand. seeing the friends around me step up and do that validates me as a person. and as collected as I try to be validation will do any person good.

big ups to my brother adrian ho for taking home the gold and big ups to a very swell friend of mine kathleen macapilli for getting accepted into ryerson.

I've been trying real hard to leave a plus everywhere I go.

here's to more plus' in the future.

cheers.

game face

2011-03-04T09:29:00.000-08:00

"Fallin' skies babe, open eyes babe, Can't you see what lays inside babe?"

first battle in a long time today. wish me luck!

"Being a great musician

2011-03-01T17:29:00.000-08:00

... isn't about being able to play so much as it's about being able to hear." - Keith Richards

Kid Koala, one of the best to do it. In a world of his own.

I'm taking notes.

a quick thought

2011-02-27T01:22:00.001-08:00

I wonder who wakes up one day thinking they would like to take up playing the harp.

Not that i'm hating on the harp, if anything I'm jealous and secretly want to play it (true). but it's just an odd and beautiful instrument.

I remember working a wedding reception back at the restaurant and a harpist was there playing some heavenly tunes as people recepted (lol) and I served. Who even teaches lessons on how to play this beast of an instrument? that said, more people should wake up and decide to play the harp.

random thought brought to you from me strumming on a guitar as of late.

PS. I have a job now!

It's a shame

2011-02-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

It really is.

I woke up

2011-02-14T23:35:00.001-08:00

feeling pretty good this morning, what happened to that?

love me

2011-02-14T19:45:00.000-08:00

please, love me

ABOVE ALL ELSE

2011-02-13T01:08:00.000-08:00

you ABSOLUTELY MUST love the music.
if your heart's not into it then why fool yourself?

welcome home dad

2011-02-10T21:53:00.001-08:00

My pops came home to visit. I'm really happy to see him.
The things I got used to before he left such as chit chat with my mom or sitting down to eat dinner are now things I've now missed. That said I'm going to try and not take the little things for granted. Thinking back on how much he's done for me and the rest of the family I love my dad (even though we have our bad moments) a lot and him being back gives me strength to keep pushing forward and make him proud.

Funny how when my brother came home to visit I dreaded the entire time he was here. I felt phsycially sick just being in the same city as him.

Glad you're home dad, even if it is just for a little while.

65 days of unemployment

2011-02-08T22:46:00.000-08:00

still? wtf.

four days later

2011-02-03T00:38:00.000-08:00

I don't have a good excuse to not have written anything in the last four days.

Sunday was good. woke up from a pretty good night which involved me consuming an entire bottle of wine (and then some).
The sun attacked my face and I was up. E called to say what up and we ended up taking on Ivy's offer of free indian food. without question either. turns out it was a temple. Ivy's girl acted up and split. Me and E went in for some spiritual enlightenment, Ivy followed soon after. felt pretty good to be somewhere holy on a sunday morning. Went down to eat and gave thanks for welcoming us and that was that.

Split up and I went home and did my ritual-like room cleaning. Worked on my scratches and then dropped by E's place downtown. Departed to the Granville Room where E and I entered orbit on the way. Sat there and vibed to homie Jolin on the decks until about 2 and nightbussed it home.

All in all an unexpectedly wonderful sunday. Not to mention two solid weekends in a row.

expect

2011-01-30T11:26:00.000-08:00

something good today.

time to go bask in the sun. reporting in later.

natural progression

2011-01-24T02:42:00.000-08:00

this track is hands down one of my favourites from one of the greatest rappers.

"Change, shit
I guess change is good for any of us
Whatever it take for any of y'all niggaz to get up out the hood
Shit, I'm wit cha, I ain't mad at cha
Got nuttin but love for ya, do your thing boy"

it's a shame some people in our life have to go. one day we're on the same path then suddenly even without either of us knowing the roads split apart and life take's it's course. I know everyone has at least one of these friends in their life, the one that you used to see every single day and couldn't imagine a world without.
then one day you two grow and things change, and you don't see them everyday, you actually never see them at all anymore. but one thing remains unchanged. the love you both mutually share despite the distance.
it's a sad and wonderful thing.

weekender

2011-01-24T02:16:00.000-08:00

I had a really good weekend. good weekends always make me feel blessed.
hope everyone else had a good weekend too.

back to work (figuratively at this point) on monday.

ps. let's hope this keeps up

putting in work

2011-01-19T01:21:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna be honest, here are some of the things I want;

-nice things
-good company
-memories that will last
-to stay healthy
-freedom

but the thing I want the most right now is to travel/escape (and if possible, someone of the opposite sex to mindmeld with). the things on things on this partial list of mine, they do not simply fall into my hand's. one must grind for them.
SO TELL ME WHAT THE F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TIGER? CMON GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME.
This bird's gotta fly. to fly I gotta grind, and grind I will in combination with my schemes to get out of here quicker.

PS. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and do something about this.

I know

2011-01-14T03:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes... I don't know.

You know?

pondering life

2011-01-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

and it's contents, but I think I've done enough thinking for one day. Time to enter the stratosphere and watch some cowboy bebop.
peace out earth.

thoughts

2011-01-05T02:15:00.000-08:00

sometimes, I start to think to myself that she's out there somewhere.
the one for me. and that one day we'll meet and we'll both be crazy for each other. forever.

until then, it is only an idea in my head. a comforting idea might I add.

hate

2011-01-02T01:24:00.000-08:00

is it so wrong if my actions are fueled by hate?

it's gotten me pretty far,
let's see how much further it will bring me.

2011

2010-12-31T01:57:00.000-08:00

I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside
Oh yeah, Oh yeah.
I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide
Oh no. Oh no, Oh no,
Yeah I've got a feeling.

Oh please believe me, I'd
hate to miss the train
Oh yeah, Oh yeah.
And if you leave me I won't be late again
Oh no, Oh no, Oh no.
Yeah I've got a feeling yeah.

boss(a)

2010-12-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

I find Astrud so beautiful. Her tone and mood in her vocals just slows me down in the best way, not to mention her accent that just makes her sound so genuine and gives her flavor.
She and jazz are a marriage made in heaven.

the mind

2010-12-26T00:17:00.000-08:00

the most powerful weapon known to man,
also happens to be the key to my destruction.

after party glow

2010-12-21T02:52:00.001-08:00

currently I am basking in the vibes that still ripple in the room after a good party. I had fun, hope everyone had fun. took a bit of work to make it happen but this was something I needed this christmas.

this year i've been alone a lot, which makes this christmas party a very welcome cup of water walking through the desert.
I keep on repeating the fact that I was alone for 6 months of this year because I really did feel alone. I asked ho how'd it feel with me being gone for such a period of time and he said it was weird and I'd missed so much. I shall take away from my experience away to the fullest extent. no moment will be for granted. no friend will be for granted. for this I am grateful for my hardships and count each and every blessing in my life.

Happy holidays to you and yours.

Uncertainties of the world

2010-12-16T10:51:00.000-08:00

Not sure. A trend I notice more people rocking everyday. I've felt it before, the feeling can be paralyzing.
The thought process goes something like this;
Where will I be tomorrow?
Where will I be in ten years?
Will I be rich?
Will I be happy?
Should I stay or should I go? (The Clash)
Will it hurt? Could I be in love?
Can this last forever? ...

All these "what if" questions that take form with the purpose to prevent making mistakes but an excess of it is one of the biggest mistakes one can make in life. I don't see the point of spending all that time asking these self questions (...or even worse regretting what's already been chosen). Being sure of something isn't simply blindly believing but what I think is committing to what's been chosen and seeing it though. Certainty is a trait I find highly admirable as well as take to heart. It's a shame I see some people these days not even sure of what to eat for breakfast. Today's world is tough and it's been tested and true that nothing is ever certain. So all we can do is try our best and believe in ourselves.
This is one of those things that separates the leaders from the followers.

Wise words from my favourite proactive rapping two dimensional dog,
"you gotta do what? you gotta believe (ba da ba dap ba)"

ps.

bothered pt.2

2010-12-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

you know what's been bothering me? the quality of my writing. not pleased at all. hiatus until I can write something decent.

why I hate the holidays [REVISED]

2010-12-01T12:56:00.001-08:00

that was a bit too deep. I'll try make do with what I have been given.

missing

2010-11-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

I tell myself over and over and over again. I don't need it, that trading that useless ball of tissue for a nuclear core was for the better. but why today did I feel alone today. human emotions are pointless.

birthday cake

2010-11-23T09:44:00.000-08:00

Today is my best friend's birthday. Last night I was chilling with him making sure he was in good company when midnight hit. He is now 23 years of age and I appreciate our friendship like no other.

Out of nowhere I was reminded of my birthday this year on the other side. I can honestly say my birthday this year was the worst. None of the brothers I wanted to spend it with were with me, just me in a foreign land at what may have been the lowest point in my life, and with a brother that constantly lets me down and the only one I happen to be related to. It's one of these of those things I will never forget.

dj's

2010-11-22T01:28:00.000-08:00

(Name Removed) November 18 at 1:34pm
hey tiger what up. i need some musical advice i want to exploer the art of dj as i am someone who just plays with random programs do yu think a dj mixer controller like something with knobs and the whole deal is on the one controller would be a good way to just play around ? or shoul di just go turntables straight up . what ya think

Tiger Vu November 22 at 1:27am
depends what you want to be, a dude playing on a toy controller, or a real dj. i'm gonna put this out there right now, you better respect the dj culture as a whole if you get into it, where it came from, people who pioneered it, and how you would be true to it. just because a controller is easier and can mix without you having to learn to beatmatch with your ears doesn't mean you take the easier way out. this is what separates the real dj's from the wack.

I try not to do this but,

2010-11-16T12:20:00.000-08:00

Produced by Primo (aka DJ Premier)

I find it pretty lazy to only post a video/song, it's pretty effortless and in past i've been known to do so.

So when I get home from work I'll add some words to go along with said video/song. but for now, change. that's what's on my mind right now.

UPDATE: NTS: I need to get better at time management. time is priceless and something I cannot and should not spare.

new job, new people, and music production...
I better not get ahead of myself. can't let any of this change me. despite where I work there is something quite prolific written on our table,
"the leaves change, they say, but the roots stay the same"

Could it be that your love, was meant for me?

2010-11-11T02:02:00.000-08:00

maybe so, probably no.

did I mention?

2010-10-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

HOW GREAT IT FEELS TO BE BACK. I cannot restate this fact enough. nor will I ever forget. this has been a bomb ass weekend/week/month/Q4.

shouts to my mom for the bomb ass food I missed so bad! hi mom <3

bothered

2010-10-31T19:44:00.001-07:00

couple things that bother me;

-making a blog that you don't back 100% (no or very little material)
-teasers for a trailer (trailer for a trailer)

to sum up things, I don't like people that are full of hot air. nor do I enjoy being full of hot air.
thank you for reading.

ps. I lied, I do enjoy being full of hot air. only one type though.

pps. one more thing a bit irrelevant to add,
-stuck up girls and their presumptions (and presumptions in general)

SUPRISE!

2010-10-31T02:32:00.001-07:00

seeing what I'm doing is actually legitimate and taking form, and it feels fantastic.

tonight surprised me ever so. I swear sometimes I can fly on these two turntables. huge thank you to everyone that has supported me along the way, I won't let you down. tonight I sleep with a smile on my face.

dear diary,

2010-10-27T03:27:00.001-07:00

today I found out I have difficulty seeing the colour red,
also I learned if I spot a cute girl holding a coffee I can knock it over, apologize and ask her to grab a coffee on me.

.
.
.

today has been a good day

sleep is for the weak (memorandum to the body)

2010-10-27T03:14:00.000-07:00

why must your eyelids get heavy
why must you suck in these large gasps of air
why must you lay your head down and enter this lifeless state
I won't let you
I don't want to dream anymore
I want reality
and I could care less how many sleepless nights it will take
all I want is to go there
without having to close my eyes
sick and tired of this sleep
and places my mind takes me in the dreamworld

instead I will stay awake
feeling the night's cold under my two feet
chipping away at the ice block that is my life
carving it to be what I will of it

friends

2010-10-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

"you're only as good as the company you keep."

thankfully I have some pretty amazing people around me,
it's definitely no coincidence that they tend to stick around either.

2010-10-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

inner g

2010-10-03T02:47:00.000-07:00

trying real hard to find my inner peace these days. on the real, forget everything and everybody around you. when it comes down to it the only person you should be competing with is yourself. being better than your yesterday's self a day at a time.

"May we exist like a lotus, / At home in the muddy water. / Thus we bow to life as it is."

can't go wrong

2010-10-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

you know what always made me feel better? switching up the music on my ipod.

disconnected

2010-10-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

looking back this past year, I've had the chance to meet a bunch of people, make some connects, say hi to people I never cared to introduce myself to. but now that I think about it I haven't met anyone on a more meaningful level.
Some people i've only said what up to and thats as far as it goes. People I see constantly and stupid me only connect with them on a surface level.

Have I lost the ability to connect with fellow man?

.
.
.
.
.

it's come down to a combination; being jaded, being lazy, and getting too comfortable in my fortress of solitude.

I respect kids so much, they're so pure in human nature. they can connect so easily. and kids naturally are fearless.
life is what tires them out, teaches them to be afraid, making them into solitary beings.

somethings gotta give, can't live this way. gotta get back to the basics, come back down to planet earth.

ps. turns out babies at birth know how to swim too! as they grow they inhibit themselves from this natural skill. duck me.

every single day

2010-09-19T12:14:00.001-07:00

let us up ourselves, also let us up each other. lift us and the company we keep until we reach the heavens, then onward. never looking back.

U.N.K.L.E - Reign (ft. Ian Brown)

2010-09-18T22:42:00.001-07:00

I am the spark
Before the blaze
I am the raindrop out at sea I cause
The ripples that becoming the crashing waves
I am the reign

you can't

2010-09-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

au contrare, I can.

a common trend associated with age is cynicism. people grow up become old, slow the pace and non coincidentally become cynical.

I was talking to my best homie talked about it and we agreed that we hope we never do what them do, never forgetting that nothing can stop us.

homie let me onto some wise words by confucius,

"He who says he can and he who says he can't are both usually right"

today

2010-09-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

I have disappointed myself, compromised my integrity, let myself down.

For this I am sorry. what I did was wrong. the only thing I can do is say sorry, and hope you believe me when I say I will learn from my mistake and become a better person.

Me, one day at a time. trying to figure out this life and exactly where I want to stand in it. how high, how low, how happy, how sad.

world is yours. don't forget that.

mad

2010-08-30T00:21:00.000-07:00

rarely do I get upset but this is one of those rare occasions. and does this ever piss me off.
the fact that chumps think they can expect their dues when they haven't done nothing. the fact that chumps think they can rep my family name and not be down with ME and not all of my family. zero tolerance for both of those and thats exactly whats up.
bottom line is this chump has done nothing for me to respect, and in no way whatsoever do I want to be affiliated with this wack chump(s).

sometimes

2010-08-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

i'm not sure what to say.

what I can say is i'm feeling mighty blessed and so so soooo much happier now that i'm home.

8 hours remaining

2010-07-28T01:54:00.000-07:00

whatever happened here, will stay here.

one to grow on

2010-07-12T11:16:00.000-07:00

it's odd that I go back to vancouver at the end of july. i didn't even think much of it when i booked my return couple months back. but now i see it as a sign of the better to come.

IT'S CLEAR TO ME NOW

2010-07-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

why all this misfortune has bestowed upon me as of recent!! I looked at the date to day and it said July. JU-FUCKING-LY. during that month life decides to say duck you and throw things that upset me, and so far so bad.

I'm onto your sick and twisted game you jerk.

I thought I graduated highschool already?

2010-07-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

why oh why am I dealing with crap I worked so hard to avoid in highschool? it's cool that they stopped talking to me, I was fine it that because I have much bigger and brighter matters to attend to, but talking smack about me to my best friend is low.

it's something I do not understand at all. this entire year i've been so busy trying to make a positive rather than waste my time on this earth spreading a negative one. if I have wronged anyone or if anyone still has negative feelings towards me I'd like to be notified of this. do so, so at the very least I can apologize for my actions and begin to feel bad about them. but what's the ducking point if you're going to bring it back to a highschool level and clam up when I confront you about it.

not many things phase me in this world, but if it does I'll tell it to your face, and if it phases me that bad I'll tell it to your kneecaps too.

My break from french canadia

2010-06-25T00:54:00.000-07:00

Got back from Toronto yesterday. I've decided that Toronto is a city i could potentially live in.

chill times in the big city.

if yesterday...

2010-06-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

wasn't enough, today I spend my birthday with my brother for the first time in two years and we end at each other's throats before we sit down for dinner. once again this place tests me to my very core and this time I've cracked under the pressure. I'm really disappointed that I did. I've been flying low for awhile but this is the lowest I've felt in a long time. the only thing in the world that hurts anymore is family.
and boy does it ever hurt.

If only you had more courage and put down your ego for a second and talked to me like a brother and stopped being a jerk.

another year, another struggle

2010-06-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

it's tough not being home on this day.
makes me a bit sad but what else is new.

looking back on my posts

2010-05-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

I like to use repetition in my writing. I like to use repetition in my writing.

Thanks a latte :)

2010-05-11T10:44:00.001-07:00

doubt

2010-05-06T21:11:00.000-07:00

why is it sometimes the vision so vivid I can almost reach out and touch it, then coast into a haze where the image is muddled and I find myself lost not even sure why I'm here in the first place. there are times where I'd run a million miles chasing it, then there are times where all I can do is crawl into a ball and not help but feel small and insignifigant.
this is stupid. I don't have energy for doubt. I don't have time for doubt. I shouldn't even have to doubt.
life is short enough as it is.

frick

2010-04-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

I need to stop all the self pity. time to pour it all on the floor.

it must be nice,

2010-04-28T01:19:00.000-07:00

having a girlfriend. it'd be cool just having a girl to talk to, I miss that. heck it'd be nice to meet a girl I can stand to hold conversation with for more than 10 seconds.

NY dreams

2010-04-26T00:56:00.001-07:00

I need to go to there. my mind has now been wired to make to ny or I will self destruct. maybe because it's all the movies. maybe because my dream school is there. maybe because I didn't make it the first time. the nomad inside demands nyc. it might be my mind(heart too if it's still there) thinks what i'm looking for is there and it's telling me to go no matter what. I'm gonna listen to it because thus far it has not steered me wrong.

until then, my dreams will be in NYC, and my days will be making sure I get to NYC.

beats, rhymes and life

2010-04-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

the music never sounded so sweet. there are moments in my life music sounds bland to me, but this is the polar opposite of that. I wanna listen to it all the time, turn up the volume, and feel blessed.

all these good vibes remind me of all the live music in the summer, and summer altogether.

FAMILY FIRST

2010-04-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

call me stupid but ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS family first.

I feel...

2010-04-10T00:53:00.000-07:00

weak.

ps. when'd I start being so negative anyway? it's not in my nature and it's bugging the hell out of me.

a bientot

2010-03-31T02:49:00.000-07:00

despite all thats happened here, I will be leaving with a smile. not for what is waiting for me in vancouver and not because i'm glad to leave this place. but rather the humble satisfaction that I have been tried, gone through the wire, and I remain true. a promise I made to myself fore taking this journey is I would not allow montreal to change who I am. et avec moi, a promise made, is a promise kept.
a man is only as good as his word no?

I have learned much from here and will be back, but it is time for me to come home.

luv (sic.) pt 3 [ft.shing02]

2010-03-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

these last couple days i've been floating Jun's music, keeping my cool. everything that's happening over here is shaking me down and testing me to my very core. i'm on the final stretch and going to fill that unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

rip nujabes,
aaand there goes that piano once again.

FEELINGS

2010-03-13T22:56:00.000-08:00

THE HUMAN RESPONSE IS REMARKABLE. SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE TO NUMB OUT AND AVOID BEING HURT, BUT IN THE PROCESS THEY AVOID BEING TRULY HAPPY TOO. I SAY EMBRACE IT. EMBRACE ALL OF IT. EMBRACE THE SPECTRUM OF THE AMAZING HUMAN EMOTIONS. FROM THE PAIN TO CRYING YOURSELF ASLEEP TO THE FEELING OF STANDING ON TOP OF THE WORLD, AND EVERYTHING INBETWEEN.

THIS THOUGHT REMINDS ME OF A QUOTE FROM A DAMN GOOD MOVIE,

"It's great, living. Get your heart broken, find yourself face down in the gutter, get your balls sucked, make a real mess of a life." - DR. SQUIRES (THE WACKNESS)

PS. this thought has been brought to you by; GARDEN STATE

sweet tooth

2010-03-12T00:59:00.000-08:00

the tingle of sugar on my lips, a taste I can never get enough of. artificial, natural i can take both(even knowing the fake stuff kills). cold or hot as long as it's sweet.

the doc says I should cut down on the sweets or i'll be back soon for even more pain. but i'll take all the pain in the world for her, all for a fix. late at night until I fall asleep and also the first thought that enters in the morn.

no matter I can't get her out of my head,
can't live without her sweetness.

the prettiest people do the ugliest things

2010-03-02T23:00:00.000-08:00

words to live by given to me before I left;

stay tried,
stay true.

look at me oh look at me is this the way i'll always be

2010-02-24T07:58:00.000-08:00

Oh no.

deep in thought

2010-02-21T19:04:00.000-08:00

i'm re-evaulating this entire montreal thing. once again I have been let down by family.

sinky heart feeling pt. 2

2010-02-14T22:45:00.000-08:00

patient is flatlining, doctor do something!

clear!

*shock* ...

lookin' out my window

2010-02-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

to build on something I wrote a couple years back. lots of time has passed since that one summer and to this day I continue to hate her for what she did. She crushed me and she did a terrific job. I also have deep seated hate myself; for falling for her, for not seeing the signs, for not doing more. Why'd she have to be such a sweet girl and have me thinking this way to what seems to be a lifetime later. alas, all of it and her are in the previous life, the calls, the dates, those little things. her and I haven't been friends since, nor have we tried, and won't be anytime soon. through all this hate, sometimes I miss her. when I look at a reminder or my mind wanders into her realm it's as if a string is plucked and I'm eagerly waiting to hear the note, but I never hear it. or a button is pushed in my central control room and I implode and die a bit inside. whichever simile or metaphor I put it into, the fact is she broke me good. The human heart is a peculiar device.

Hate is a strong word, therefore perfect for this topic, though I use the word hate more on the lines of 'resent'.
as another one after another fille comes and goes, I wonder if I'll ever feel that same way I felt about her.

[end scene with dolly out of her playing moonlight sonata]
[film runs out]

a fork in the road

2010-02-12T15:43:00.000-08:00

I've been told I put my emotions into my work. He mentioned that as a negative and I haven't put much thought into it until now.
At this job maybe I cared more than I should have and could have kept my mouth closed more.
Pouring one's heart into what he or she does, injecting emotion and lighting it on fire with passion; is that a bad thing?
on one hand for a fact it tires out the soul, but the payout knowing you put your heart into it is huge. on the other hand the greatest business people have been stone cold emotionless shells. someone once told me "to be a good businessman you can't be honest". which in my case doesn't work. In the end, do I want to chase the riches & the fame, or would I rather be proud and honest. or perhaps could they meet halfway? (not gonna happen) I'm writing this because I've noticed that I'm slowing freezing over (literally and metaphorically) and it's changing me, I'm not sure if I want to head down that path and lose something I won't be able to get back.

good morning, good vibes

2010-02-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

amazing track that makes mind think about an amazing girl,
too bad I have yet to meet her.

sitting still

2010-01-28T07:05:00.001-08:00

Can't stand this. i'm over here and all but things aren't moving as quickly as I want them to. I need to get moving but my brother and I aren't on the same level, i'm getting antsy sitting here in the middle of the ocean with no wind. I got things to do over here and can't be waiting on standby.

With all said there's a lesson in all this, fate is in one's own hands, and I feel much better deciding where mine goes.

I'm wasting time, precious time.

sinky heart feeling pt. 1

2010-01-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

a tiger doing what tigers do and then suddenly ...

he falls to the floor. breathing barely, hands clammy and lips turning blue.

new years resolution

2010-01-01T16:08:00.001-08:00

be happy :)